We little knew that morning; God would call your name.

In life we loved you dearly. In Death we do the same.

It broke our hearts to lose you. You did not go alone,

For part of us went with you, the day God called you home.

You left us beautiful memories. Your love is still our guide,

And though we cannot see you, you’re always by our side.

Our family chain is broken, and nothing seems the same.

But as God calls us one by one, the chain will link again.

 

 

The Last Night (11/6/02) and Morning (11/7/02)

 

The night he passed Nicholas felt a little warm before dinner.  I gave him some Tylenol and his last dose of antibiotic for his ear infection.  After dinner he seemed fine and was running around the kitchen with his brother having a wonderful time pushing a large empty water jug all over the floor giggling and laughing.  It was so funny that my husband ran and got his camera and took pictures.  After that they played as usual, watched their night time video and went to sleep.  My husband and I went to a movie and my parents stayed with them.  They both woke up while we were out. My parents comforted them and put them back to bed.  When we came home from the movie, I didn’t go in to check on them because they had just been up and I wanted them to have a good night’s sleep.  They didn’t wake up at their usual time in the morning but I figured they were tired.  When Frankie woke up, I went in and I thought Nicholas was still sleeping.  I wisked Frankie out of the room and gave him his bottle.  I figured I’d let Nicholas sleep a little longer.  By 7:15 a.m. he still wasn’t up so I figured I had to wake him up for his bottle, breakfast and get him dressed for daycare.  I went to wake him up and he was on his side.  One of his little feet was sticking through the slats of his crib pointing down.  I put my hand under his pajama top to wake him gently and his skin felt weird, cold, I turned him over his eyes were shut, his lips looked bluish. I called Nicholas, wake up.  Nicholas!  I opened one of his eyes with my finger and it was blankly starring, I ran upstairs with him screaming oh my God, oh my God and started CPR, my husband called 911.  I couldn’t believe this was happening.  I kept trying to get him back and when the police got there they tried.  But I had a sinking feeling, that it was too late.  That he was already gone.  We didn’t have a chance to save him.  I never would have thought anything like this would happen to my Nicholas.  He was so strong, so healthy.  What happened?

 

I wish I would’ve had the chance to raise these two beautiful boys together.  I thought they would have each other to go through life with.  I’m so sad for Frankie that he lost someone who would have been closer to him than anyone in this world.  I think Nicholas would have done wonderful things with his life, he was so smart, so happy and had such a great sense of humor and he enjoyed everything to the fullest. He is truly missed.  I will never understand why or how this happened.  It is a mystery to me.  We will never be the same.

 

After extensive testing and many months waiting, the autopsy results were sent to us.  They did not find a definite cause of death.  They listed it as “Unexplained Natural Causes – SUDC” and so to this day, we do not know what happened to Nicholas.  Maybe God had a special plan for him to be an Angel and serve a higher purpose, I don’t know.  I only hope that when it is my time, I will get to see my baby again